Why Grieving a Pet Is Different & Why the Grief Stages Don’t Always Fit

If you’ve ever had a client who seemed “fine” one day and shattered the next, you’ve seen it firsthand: Grief isn’t linear. The common five stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are helpful, but they don’t always unfold the same way, especially when someone is mourning a beloved animal companion.

Pet loss brings a unique kind of grief. It’s often private, personal, and misunderstood. Many people feel a deep, enduring connection to their pets, one that’s unconditional, uncomplicated, and woven into the fabric of daily life. So when that connection is suddenly broken, the emotional fallout can be intense, and it doesn’t always follow predictable patterns.

Some clients may skip straight to acceptance on the surface. They might come across as composed or even unemotional. But underneath, they’re bottling everything up, unsure of whether their pain is “allowed.” Others might stay stuck in bargaining or guilt for months, replaying decisions they made in their pet’s final days. The what-ifs and could-haves become a loop they can’t escape.

And then there are the clients who seem to have made peace, only to find themselves crying over their pet’s bed weeks later. This emotional back-and-forth isn’t a setback, it's a reflection of how deeply they loved, and how deeply they’re hurting. Grief moves like tides, not checklists.

There’s also the added challenge that pet loss is often disenfranchised grief meaning society doesn’t always acknowledge it as valid. Friends or coworkers may expect someone to “get over it” quickly, or may not understand why the death of “just a pet” is causing so much pain. That lack of recognition can amplify feelings of isolation and shame.

For professionals in veterinary and cremation settings, it’s important to remember that grief doesn’t have to look a certain way to be real. You might not always know what a client is going through, but you can hold space for their emotions by being patient, attentive, and nonjudgmental. A soft tone. A willingness to listen. A simple “I know this is hard” can go a long way.

By acknowledging that grief doesn’t always follow a script and that losing a pet can be every bit as painful as losing a human loved one you help validate what your clients are going through. And in doing so, you give them permission to grieve in their own way, on their own time.